Quotes and (fun) stuff

[Crise 26]

I thought of this funny idea of posting famous (or not so famous) quotes like:

"Life was a lot simpler when we honored father and mother rather than all the major credit cards." - Robert Orben

Let's see if this idea flies sky high or crashes down in a moment :blushing:

[logi 0]

u mean something like this?

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

[Albert Einstein]

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

[Albert Einstein]

There is a correlation between the creative and the screwball. So we must suffer the screwball gladly.

[Kingman Brewster, former president of Yale]

theres more where these came from :blushing:

[Crise 26]

yes, exactly here's another one:

"Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital." - Arthur Koestler

[logi 0]

Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it.

[Robert Heinlein]

[Greg 0]

"We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed." ~Chris Rock

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." ~Issac Asimov

"I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them." ~Issac Asimov

"Always be wary of the Software Engineer who carries a screwdriver." ~Robert Paul

"My computer goes down on me more often than my girlfriend." ~Robert Paul

"The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window." ~Robert Paul

[balder 1]

the best quote has to be

...I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain

ref:wikipedia

but i also like

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.

"A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't."

"Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea."

"Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice."

"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."

"Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing."

"I am not young enough to know everything."

"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast."

i couldn't decide :blushing:

last one

"The purpose of our lives is to be happy."

sorry i went a bit mad there ^_^

Edited June 3, 2006 by balder

[Greg 0]

"Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." ~Winston Churchill

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." ~W.C. Fields

"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens." ~Jimi Hendrix

Another Einstein quote on stupidity:

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"

"If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber." ~Albert Einstein

[balder 1]

"Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." ~Winston Churchill

i was waiting for that one .

As it has come im going to pre-empt the next one i expexted

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. - Ozzy Osbourne

had to be done :blushing:

[Greg 0]

"George Bush hates midgets." ~Chris Rock

"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?" ~George Carlin

"Have you ever noticed that most people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to **** in the first place?" ~George Carlin

"Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?" ~George Carlin

"Britain, Britain, Britain. I love Britain so much that everyday I sacrifice a child in honor of it. So thank the Lord, who incidentally is British, for the great things he has brought to this land." ~Little Britain.

"Britain, Britain, Britain!... Land of technological achievement! We've had running water for over ten years, an underground tunnel that links us to Peru and we invented the cat!" ~ Again, Little Britain

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?" ~Peter Kay

"Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?" ~Peter Kay

Edited June 4, 2006 by Greg

[logi 0]

you got a brain for a reason.........use it

[logi

[AddictedToChaos 1]

Great thread. Well done Crise

There is also a similar thread in a greek forum that i visit.

Check this site:

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/

It has many many quotes from famous personalities

Personally, one of my favorite quotes is one of Jean Rostand:

"Kill a man, and you are a murderer.

Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror.

Kill everyone, and you are a god"

I also like very much, the modified version Dave Mustaine did (Singer and quitarist of Megadeth) in a song called "Captive Honour" :

"And when you kill a man, you're a murderer

Kill many, and you're a conqueror

Kill them all ... Ooh ... Oh you're a God!" :P

Edited June 5, 2006 by AddictedToChaos

[Crise 26]

This is not really a quote, but definetly worth to read:

Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie. The only things you young persons think seriously about are loud music and sex. Trust me: these are closely related to college.) College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates.

Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:

1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas.

2. Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay in college for the rest of your life.

It's very difficult to forget everything. For example, when I was in college, I had to memorize -- don't ask me why -- the names of three metaphysical poets other than John Donne. I have managed to forget one of them, but I still remember that the other two were named Vaughan and Crashaw. Sometimes, when I'm trying to remember something important like whether my wife told me to get tuna packed in oil or tuna packed in water, Vaughan and Crashaw just pop up in my mind, right there in the supermarket. It's a terrible waste of brain cells.

After you've been in college for a year or so, you're supposed to choose a major, which is the subject you intend to memorize and forget the most things about. Here is a very important piece of advice: be sure to choose a major that does not involve Known Facts and Right Answers.

This means you must not major in mathematics, physics, biology, or chemistry, because these subjects involve actual facts. If, for example, you major in mathematics, you're going to wander into class one day and the professor will say: "Define the cosine integer of the quadrant of a rhomboid binary axis, and extrapolate your result to five significant vertices." If you don't come up with exactly the answer the professor has in mind, you fail. The same is true of chemistry: if you write in your exam book that carbon and hydrogen combine to form oak, your professor will flunk you. He wants you to come up with the same answer he and all the other chemists have agreed on. Scientists are extremely snotty about this.

So you should major in subjects like English, philosophy, psychology, and sociology -- subjects in which nobody really understands what anybody else is talking about, and which involve virtually no actual facts. I attended classes in all these subjects, so I'll give you a quick overview of each:

ENGLISH: This involves writing papers about long books you have read little snippets of just before class. Here is a tip on how to get good grades on your English papers: Never say anything about a book that anybody with any common sense would say. For example, suppose you are studying Moby Dick. Anybody with any common sense would say that Moby Dick is a big white whale, since the characters in the book refer to it as a big white whale roughly eleven thousand times. So in your paper, you say Moby Dick is actually the Republic of Ireland. Your professor, who is sick to death of reading papers and never liked Moby Dick anyway, will think you are enormously creative. If you can regularly come up with lunatic interpretations of simple stories, you should major in English.

PHILOSOPHY: Basically, this involves sitting in a room and deciding there is no such thing as reality and then going to lunch. You should major in philosophy if you plan to take a lot of drugs.

PSYCHOLOGY: This involves talking about rats and dreams. Psychologists are obsessed with rats and dreams. I once spent an entire semester training a rat to punch little buttons in a certain sequence, then training my roommate to do the same thing. The rat learned much faster. My roommate is now a doctor. If you like rats or dreams, and above all if you dream about rats, you should major in psychology.

SOCIOLOGY: For sheer lack of intelligibility, sociology is far and away the number one subject. I sat through hundreds of hours of sociology courses, and read gobs of sociology writing, and I never once heard or read a coherent statement. This is because sociologists want to be considered scientists, so they spend most of their time translating simple, obvious observations into scientific-sounding code. If you plan to major in sociology, you'll have to learn to do the same thing. For example, suppose you have observed that children cry when they fall down. You should write: "Methodological observation of the sociometrical behavior tendencies of prematurated isolates indicates that a casual relationship exists between groundward tropism and lachrimatory, or "crying," behavior forms." If you can keep this up for fifty or sixty pages, you will get a large government grant.

incase someone didn't alredy guess this isn't my writing :)

[balder 1]

lol as mark Twian said

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

Edited June 5, 2006 by balder

[Greg 0]

Great thread. Well done Crise

There is also a similar thread in a greek forum that i visit.

Check this site:

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/

It has many many quotes from famous personalities

Personally, one of my favorite quotes is one of Jean Rostand:

"Kill a man, and you are a murderer.

Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror.

Kill everyone, and you are a god"

I also like very much, the modified version Dave Mustaine did (Singer and quitarist of Megadeth) in a song called "Captive Honour" :

"And when you kill a man, you're a murderer

Kill many, and you're a conqueror

Kill them all ... Ooh ... Oh you're a God!"

Utterly awesome quote. :)

[Pookie 0]

Alfred E. Neuman: "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have

a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural,

wholesome things money can buy."

Steve Martin: "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me

neither."

Rodney Dangerfield: "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life

at all."

George Burns: "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

George Burns: "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of

getting married."

Harvey Korman: "Using Viagra is like putting a new flagpole on a

condemned building."

Drew Carey: "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as

meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."

Lynn Lavner: "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase

sexual arousal in women. Among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."

Just gotta love some of these quotes! Hope u all enjoy!

Pooks

Senior Exercises

The Doc told me to start an exercise program.

Not wanting to harm this old body, I've devised the following:

Beat around the bush

Jump to conclusions

Climb the walls

Wade through the morning paper

Drag my heels

Push my luck

Make mountains out of mole hills

Hit the nail on the head

Bend over backwards

Jump on the Band Wagon

Run around in circles

Advise Prime Minister

On how to run the country..

Toot my own horn..

Pull out all the stops..

Add fuel to the fire..

Open a can of worms..

Put my foot in my mouth..

Start the ball rolling..

Go over the edge..

Pick up the pieces..

Kneel in prayer..

Bow my head in thanksgiving...

Uplift my hands in praise..

Hug someone and encourage them..

What a Workout!

[Zlobomir 3]

What does not kill you makes you stronger! - Smo

...But it does not ask you whether you'd prefer to die. - I